Ep. 37: How to Know What You Want

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Last week I mentioned that I was doing a three-part masterclass: How to know what you want and be able to ask for it. What I’m going to do today is bring to you the first day of the masterclass, the foundation. Sometimes you have to look into what is going into the foundation of before you can even start the inquiry. When we’re beginning with the inquiry, there has to be a level of comfort with your sexuality. So in this episode, I discuss how to start with the foundation of pleasure, and how to determine what you want.

On day two of the masterclass, we covered the investigation, and day three was all about the conversation. Each session also comes with a set of resources that I provide to help guide you through to the end goal. To see all three pieces of training and get access to these resources, go to https://daniellesavory.com/freetraining.

Topics in this episode

  • How pleasure impacts so many aspects of our lives

  • Redefining what it means to be selfish, versus selfless

  • Why we don’t pursue our pleasure

  • Be in tune with the tone of noticing

  • The reward of sex

  • Regulating your nervous system, and its role in pleasure

  • How to identify things we need to work on

Ep. 36: Mind-blowing Midlife Sex with Dr. Sonia

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In this conversation with Dr. Sonia Wright, a board-certified radiologist and mid-life sex coach, we discuss the role of sex coaching, particularly for women in their midlife. She shares how she got interested in being a life coach, and through that coaching, she heard from many of her clients that they were having difficulties in their sex lives. Since there isn’t much sexual education and training in medical school, she found herself doing a lot of independent research, which quickly developed into her pursuing a certificate program to become a certified sex coach. 

I had a lot of fun talking with Dr. Sonia about some of the most common concerns for women, the difference in sex coaching for midlife as opposed to other phases of life, and how imperative it is for women to give themselves permission. 

Don’t forget, if you want help getting clarity on what it is you want in the bedroom, please go to https://daniellesavory.com/freetraining to access free training that is available now. 

Topics in this episode

  • Why she pursued sex coaching, and what inspires her to continue doing it

  • Benefits of sex coaching for clients

  • Women in midlife are the sculpture and the sculptor 

  • Peri-menopause and menopause and how it can change your sex life 

  • Helping clients get to a place where they love themselves

  • The importance of grieving what was lost, and celebrating what’s to come

  • Dr. Sonia’s answer to: how do you think the world would change if more women were pleasured? 

Contact info

Email: drsonia@themidlifesexcoach.com

Website: https://www.themidlifesexcoach.com/

Ep. 35: Real Change Through Sex Coaching

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I love having these episodes and this podcast to teach you concepts, and today I want to give you a glimpse into what it’s like to work with me as your coach. When you listen to the podcast, it may be hard to understand the power of what’s being said. It’s powerful to hear other people’s experiences and the transformations they’ve gone through, and I want to share some of that with you. I also want to explain some key differences between sex therapy and sex coaching. Having a coach is like having a personal champion, and through these client stories, you get to see how focusing on their sex life opened up to personal growth in every aspect of their lives.

Topics in this episode

  • Value of sex coaching

  • The feeling of worthiness

  • What it’s like being powered in your decisions

  • What’s standing in the way of you getting what you want?

  • How to be present, one of the hardest things

  • Training your mind during sex

  • Client stories of transformation

Ep. 34: I Have So Much To Do... No Time For Sex

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So far in this podcast, I’ve talked a lot about big-picture stuff, like how pleasure can change your brain for the better. And also, how to have the right structure and environment so that you can create desire and pleasure can enter. At this point, I would love to start getting more detailed on what actually comes up with some of my clients and how I coach them through it so you can start doing the same. What I really want to talk about is this idea that you have so much going on, you have so much on your plate, the predominant thought you have when it comes to sex is, “I just don’t have time for that” or “I’ve got so much to do”. What I want to show you is how to prioritize your “why” in order to make time for what you need. 

Topics in this episode

  • Time is just a construct

  • When we feel busy, we don’t have time

  • There has to be a compelling reason

  • Why is it important to you? What impact will it create?

  • The beneficial impact this can have on your business

  • How sex evolved, in your thoughts, to become an effort

  • Decide, commit, follow-through

Ep. 33: How Other People's Opinions Effect Your Sex Life

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In last week’s episode, we began to talk about how self-image affects your sex life. I want to go even further this week and talk about how other people’s opinions can affect your sex life. We have a choice of whether or not we allow unkind comments other people say into our thoughts. Many of our beliefs have been learned by how we were raised, and the messages we got, and the world we live in. These beliefs can greatly influence our fears about ourselves, and especially about our sex, which keeps us from pursuing pleasure and desire. 

I want to share with you that the truth is really what we choose it to be. Not caring what others think isn’t easy, but it is the most liberating thing there is. It will free you and allow you to connect more with yourself so that you can go after your pleasure and go after your sexuality.

Topics in this episode

  • You are responsible for the integrity of your thoughts

  • The foundation of our “home” and how it affects your sex life

  • Negativity bias 

  • How to overcome negative thoughts and self-talk

  • Defining your truth

  • Having an appreciation for your fears 

  • Why others’ opinions hurt, and how to change it

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure sharing with you how to not let other people’s opinions affect you so much, and get in the way of your sex. I hope this episode will help you let go of caring so much about what other people think, and instead, work on the relationship you have with yourself so that you can continue to find your own pleasure. I hope this message resonated with you, and if it did, just know that I am here. If you ever want to take this work deeper and do some one-on-one coaching, please reach out to me on my website.

Ep. 32: Body Image and Sex

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Today we are talking about body image, which is a hang-up for many of us. I think it is safe to say that most women have been insecure about the way they look, and it creates obstacles for us to create more sexual pleasure or empowerment. This is something I truly love working with women to overcome in order for them to have a love affair with themselves, and to own the beautiful, badass, sexy women they are. Sexy is the relationship you have with yourself, and I want to help you re-build that relationship so you can access the sex you deserve. 

Topics in this episode

  • The narrative in our minds

  • The role of self-criticism before and during sex

  • Would you say that to someone else? A friend? Your daughter?

  • The response of your sympathetic nervous system

  • You have to be the one to have amazing thoughts about you.

  • Shame is the opposite of desire

  • Re-building your self-image happens in stages 

Thank you for joining me on It’s My Pleasure today. As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure sharing with you, the way to begin rebuilding the relationship you have with your body, and I truly hope you take this to heart so you can start owning your pleasure and your body in a totally different way. If this message resonated with you, please know, this is the exact type of work I do with my clients. It is possible for you to feel amazing in your body. Let’s get you feeling amazing right now! If you want to hop on a call and see if coaching is the right step for you, email me at daniellesavorycoaching@gmail.com

Ep. 31: 30 Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex NOW - Pt. 2

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In last week’s episode, episode 30, we started going through all the topics that have been discussed thus far on the podcast. I thought it would be so fun to recap the information that’s been shared, topics that have been discussed, and conversations so that you can remind your brain of the things we’ve discussed. And by doing so, it can ignite and inspire you to go back and listen, take some deeper notes, and actually apply, implement, and integrate what I talked about in that episode so that you can see real change.

Episode 16: Decluttering for pleasure. Just like decluttering is important for our external environments, we can also do this work for decluttering for pleasure as well. Bring your awareness to the things that are getting in the way of pleasure. 

Episode 17: Priming the body for pleasure. This comes back to not getting fixated on the outcome, but really enjoying the journey. 

Episode 18: Our need to control a situation often keeps us from reaching our pleasure potential. What will it mean if you lose control? When you courageously answer these questions, you’ll realize that it’s not nearly as bad as you make it out to be. 

Episode 19: Having a sexy and loving mind is the key to creating change in your sex life. Your thinking creates your results. How we think directly affects how we feel. 

Episode 20:  In this conversation with my dear friend and former client Mahsa Darabi, we discuss how Motherhood does not have to mean the end of your sex life.

Episode 21: One way to create more sexual desire is to never say no. It is about giving your brain and your body a chance to actually explore the proposition of sex without defaulting to the automatic response you typically have.

Episode 22: Sex is about your pleasure. Sex has become a “should” for your husband, your marriage, for your reputation, or what you think you’re supposed to do as a woman, which makes it become about something outside of you. But we are changing the narrative around it for ourselves and for generations to come. 

Episode 23: It is your responsibility to go after your pleasure. Take back what is rightfully yours. Your pleasure isn’t your partner’s responsibility. You get to decide how you want your sex life to look, and you get to do something about it. 

Episode 24: This was the first of a three-part series, focusing on elevating your sex life. Becoming the observer and aware of the thoughts happening in your brain gives you the ability to actually do something about them. 

Episode 25: Once you bring awareness to the type of thoughts you have, you can really start to notice where your attention is captured. This allows you to be able to bring your thoughts back, on purpose, to what it is you want to focus on. 

Episode 26: Become embodied, meaning, to reside in your body with awareness. Wake up to what you are feeling and the sensations that are present. By doing this, you create the skill so that will open you up to pleasure. 

Episode 27: An amazing conversation with Melanie Cristol, founder of Lorals, a thin panty that can be used during oral sex. When we decide that pleasure is attainable and necessary for us all, amazing inventions such as this can happen. 

Episode 28: We have to believe that pleasure is possible. It seems simple, but it’s not a thought most of us are actively thinking. What if pleasure was possible for you?

Episode 29: The importance of the pelvic floor as it relates to pleasure, a topic discussed with orthopedic physical therapist, Buffy Stinchfield. Many women tighten up in this area so much, and as a result, they may not experience the pleasure that is available to them. 

I am so ecstatic and proud of all of the topics we’ve discussed so far, and I am thrilled to bring you even more. Thank you for joining me. I hope you have found these 31 episodes helpful in tapping into your pleasure potential. If you want to take this work deeper, I would love to work with you one-on-one. I currently have a few spots available in this truly transformational journey. If you’re ready, interested, and serious about this important and empowering work, please email me: daniellesavorycoaching@gmail.com

Ep. 30: 30 Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex NOW - Pt. 1

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In honor of today being the 30th episode, I want to focus on 30 key takeaways, one from each episode so far. It is so fun to see all of the things we’ve talked about and the topics and information that have been shared. I know how easy it is to hear something, and it goes through one ear and out the other. So I want to take the time to go through and grab each episode and get the essence from it to jog your memory and remind you some of the things we’ve talked about. This episode will be key takeaways from the first 15 episodes, and next week we will cover the other 15 episodes. 

Episode 1: Your brain and your body are wired and equipped to experience amazing, mind-blowing pleasure. What is getting in the way of your desire? What is keeping you from pleasure? 

Episode 2: In order to receive more pleasure, we must set the intention for more pleasure. We have to actually be willing, open, and present

Episode 3: Stress and sex don’t mix. When stress exists in the body it can get in the way of us actually experiencing a pleasure. A three-pronged approach to have a mindblowing sex life. 

Episode 4: Get out of your head and into your vagina. In order to experience ultimate pleasure during sex, we have to pay attention to the sex that is actually occurring. 

Episode 5: You can make a longtime lover new again by adopting the beginner's mind in your relationship in order to not get bored. 

Episode 6: You’re not broken, and sexual pleasure is available to you too. Give yourself permission to be exactly where you’re at. 

Episode 7:  Letting yourself fail. In order to learn how to be sexual, you have to remember that you are in fact, learning.

Episode 8: The goal of sex is not to have an orgasm. Learning how to let go of the end results. When you’re focused on the big-O, you create more pressure for yourself or your partner, and usually, the outcome isn’t pleasurable. 

Episode 9: Schedule sex. Schedule sex. Schedule sex. 

Episode 10: A conversation with Rachel Sample, founder of The Felt Sense, on how to create explicitly erotic situations that can help usher in arousal. 

Episode 11: Vacation sex. Give yourself permission to relax, have fun, or even be a different version of yourself and do the things you don’t normally do in everyday life. 

Episode 12: Pain and pleasure in the body. Learning to accept pain the body and how to detach from it in order to see the other things the body is also experiencing. 

Episode 13: Sex is the connector of every single desirable trait we want to have in our lives and in our business. Going after your sexual pleasure potential is personal growth at the highest place. 

Episode 14: A conversation with marriage mentor Maggie Reyes on how to identify the things that might be taking us away from our pleasure potential, once we decide to go after it. 

Episode 15: Talking with Laura Haddock, founder of Lora DiCarlo, about the often overlooked connection between being sexually pleasured and being a boss. 

I hope you enjoyed this run down of what I think are the juciest and fun bits over the last 30 episodes. Today we went through episodes 1-15, and next week I will go through episodes 16-29. I want you to know that I appreciate you so much. I love bringing this podcast to you every week and hearing about how it’s changing your life and relationship with sex

EP. 29: Pelvic Floor Health for Greater Pleasure with Buffy Stinchfield

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I am so excited for today’s episode because this is an interview I got to do with Buffy Stinchfield. She is an orthopedic physical therapist, specializing in pelvic and women's health for over nine years. Her own journey lead her to be a super passionate advocate for the care and information women receive. Earlier this year I had the pleasure of being a guest on Buffy’s podcast, The Girlfiend’s Guide to Health and Happiness, which you can listen to here. (https://www.pinnaclewt.com/podcast/021-the-power-of-our-minds-to-conquer-chronic-pain-and-even-gain-an-amazing-sex-life)

In this discussion, we talk about how important pelvic health is for overall health, and the impact it can have on you your sex life. Some of the issues Buffy helps resolve include pelvic pain, pain with sex, bladder control, and organ issues. She also shares some of the latest information in pain science research, and how it relates to the mind-body connection.

Join the 5-Day Pelvic Health Challenge at https://www.pinnaclewt.com/5-day-pelvic-health-challenge

Topics In This Episode

Symptoms of pelvic muscle tightness
The issue with kegel exercises
How mindset approaches your body
Signs you are disconnected with this part of your body
The role of fight or flight in our pelvic floor
Finding pleasure in the small moments
Carving out time to spend with your partner

Ep. 28: Believing That Pleasure is Possible

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To start things off, I have a huge announcement. My good friend and coaching colleague and I are doing a retreat in Palm Springs in November. This is a pleasure and profit planning retreat. Our focus is that you walk away with your plan for 2020. And not only that, but that you have the tools to see results in your business and your pleasure. If you want more information, email me at daniellesavorycoaching@gmail.com

In this episode, I want to talk about the belief in the possibility of pleasure. Belief is much harder than we think, and to believe that pleasure is possible eliminates the first roadblock keeping you from it. I share the details of how to know you’re not believing, why it’s so important, and the first steps you can take to begin having amazing sex.

Topics in this episode

  • Why belief should be a part of your mental strategy

  • Belief can be fleeting

  • The role of cognitive dissonance 

  • Signs you don’t believe pleasure is possible

  • Ask yourself, if I believed pleasure was possible, how would things be different?

  • Progression of thought starts with possibility

  • Recognizing the signs of the mind shift

Ep. 27: A New Take On Oral with CEO Melanie Cristol

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In this episode, I’m so excited to share with you the conversation I had with Melanie Cristol, founder and CEO of Lorals. In her role as a peer sex educator in college, one product that came up occasionally was the dental dam. It is a flappy sheet of rubber that is used during oral sex on a person with a vagina. It can be inconvenient and uncomfortable to use, and she knew she wanted to create a product to help women and people with vaginas experience more pleasure during intimacy. 

Lorals are incredibly silky panties that are designed to maximize sensations and minimize worries while you are receiving oral sex. In addition to sharing her journey from how she went from being a lawyer to an entrepreneur, she also details the personal skills she possesses that prepared her for creating a product in a taboo space. 

Topics in this episode

  • Difficulties in using and buying dental dams that inspired her to create a new product

  • Reasons why people turn down oral sex, and how Lorals can help solve those problems

  • Overcoming “who am I?”

  • How Tourettes has given her the courage to be able to create a product in a taboo space

  • Why it’s important to have more “taboo” conversations, especially for people with vaginas 

  • Defining and discussing the pleasure-gap

  • Benefits of orgasms, and how love and intimacy leads to a healthy and happier life for people 

To learn more about Lorals

Website: https://mylorals.com/

Instagram: @mylorals https://www.instagram.com/mylorals/?hl=en

Twitter: @mylorals https://twitter.com/MyLorals

Ep. 26: Elevating Your (Sex) Life PT 3: Becoming Embodied

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This is the last installment of our three-part series about how to elevate your sex life. The purpose of this series is to focus on the foundational skills that are going to help with your presence and purpose in your sex life and all areas of your life. In part one we focused on becoming the observer and allowing yourself that ability to start noticing what’s happening in your mind. Last week we talked about purposefully redirecting your attention to the type of thoughts that will deliver your desired results. 

This episode we cover what it means to become embodied and how to start experiencing what it’s like to be human in this human form, and opening up to sensations. We focus on what it means to be present to your sensations, and what happens to your brain when you do. I share with you how to tap into and lean these sensations, and 3 practices to help build the foundational skill.

Topics in this episode

  • Definition of being embodied

  • Levels of embodiment

  • Enteroception

  • Noticing resistance

  • How to mindfully attend to your emotions

  • Finding the parts of your body that feel pleasurable

  • Managing emotions

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to be here with you. I have absolutely loved offering you this three-part series about building the foundational skills to elevate your sex life, business, and your overall existence. I hope what you’ve learned today will help guide you to becoming more embodied so that you can experience all the pleasure your body has to offer you. If you’re loving this podcast and what you’re learning and you’re ready to take it deeper, then you should reach out for one-on-one coaching. To learn more, go here to http://daniellesavory.com/coaching.

Ep. 25: Elevating Your (Sex) Life Pt. 2 Capturing Your Attention

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This is part two of our three-part series about how to elevate your sex life. The purpose of this series is to focus on the foundational skills that are going to help with your presence and purpose in your sex life and all areas of your life. Part one was about bringing your thoughts to the forefront of your awareness. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can capture your attention in order to shift your mindset, which we cover in this episode. 

Our mindset is made up of thoughts we think over and over that create our beliefs, and these collections of thoughts and beliefs create an overall disposition that will create a reaction to particular events, and can also show up in our behavior. As it applies to sex, your mindset can affect your attitude and disposition. So it is important to take a look at all of the learned beliefs and how you can change them in order to have mind-blowing sex. 

Topics in the episode

  • Recap of part 1 in the series

  • Definition of mindset

  • How mindset applies to sex

  • The benefit and act of writing down your observations

  • Noticing the reaction to your thoughts 

  • The role of Cognitive dissonance in your sex life 

  • Noticing what is capturing your attention, and redirecting your mind on thoughts that will serve you 

I hope this episode is going to help you capture your attention back so that you can get to your desired result. If you’re loving this podcast and what you’re learning on here, and are ready to apply it at a deeper level to experience mind-blowing sex and success, I encourage you to reach out for one-on-one coaching. This is where we take the work even deeper, and you’re going to see massive changes in all areas of your life. To learn more, go to http://daniellesavory.com/coaching.

Ep. 24: Elevating Your (Sex) Life Pt 1- Becoming The Observer

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There are three main skill sets needed to create the most mind-blowing sex life and honestly life in general. This episode is the first of three part series and is all about how to become an observer of the mind. My experience as a long time meditator as well as a meditation and mindfulness instructor has allowed me to not only become keenly aware of my mental happenings but to help others do the same. So what does watching your mind have to do with having an amazing sex life? Tune in to find out and how you can start becoming a witness to your mind or hone your skills more so that you can apply them to your pursuit of pleasure.

Ep. 23: Taking Responsibility For Your Sexual Pleasure

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When you decide to create a better sex life than the one you are currently experiencing then taking responsibility for your pleasure is essential. But we don't automatically do this, in fact we blame our sexual pleasure on almost everything else! Listen in on this empowering episode and starting taking your sexual pleasure BACK!

Please note: possible trigger warning. Mention of sexual assault.

Ep. 22: Sex As YOUR Pleasure

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One of the most, and I would argue THE most, common thought I see standing in the way of desire is thinking of sex as pleasure for someone other than you. That is not thinking of sex as an act for YOUR pleasure. All of the "shoulds" come out - you should be more sexual, sex is something you should be doing for a good marriage, I should want it. These "shoulds" all indicate and underlying lack of belief that sex is in fact about your own pleasure. And when you approach it as such, the best sex of your life is possible, as one of my clients recently discovered.

Also I announce the winner of the $250 sensual escape voucher as well. Thanks again for all the rules.

Ep. 21: Increasing Desire - Never Saying No

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The biggest issue that my clients comes to me with is lack of desire. They have achieved so much in their business and life but find that they simply don't "want" it that much. And they want to want it. I mean don't we all? But we think that desire is this thing that just overcomes us and when it doesn't we are afraid that there must be something wrong. In this episode I begin to explore the topic of desire and offer one of my common practices called "Never Say No" which is aimed to help brake the mental habit of blocking desire and the action we take of "saying no" on autopilot.

Ep. 20: The Sexually Empowered Mama. Interview with Mahsa

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Ugh this conversation with the amazing Mahsa Darabi was so much FUN! Mahsa immigrated to the US from Iran when she was 7 years old and despite being the butt of many jokes in her youth for being "weird" she became a successful model and actress. Enjoy this talk I have with a dear friend and former client as we chat about how her definition of beauty changed despite the industry she was in and her transformation into becoming a sexually empowered woman after having children. 

Ep 19: A Sexy and Loving Mind

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Why what you THINK will literally make or break your sex life. This is an episode that is NOT to be missed. Listen in on my philosophy about mindset and how it is the BIGGEST factor in determining whether or not you have a fabulous and blah sex life. No, I am not lying - manage your mind and have mind-blowing sex - promise. Listen in to figure out how.

Ep 18: Letting Go of Control

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What would happen if you didn't have to keep yourself "in line"? Many people don't consciously think that they are trying to control everything around them, until they take a closer look and realize, that they are, in fact desperately trying to hold on to control. Because perhaps the fear is that if you let go of that control you might not stay motivated, or are afraid to see what is on the other side of really releasing your grip. What would happen if perhaps you kept allowing stimulation after orgasm?  Or when something feels new? Or when you can seem to relax and just receive? In this episode we explore the mindset of control and despite your best efforts how it is keeping you from realizing your pleasure potential.